Fix you
by summerlilies
Summary: My breath gets caught in my throat, time freezes, and everything around me... the tick tock of the clock on the wall, my pounding heartbeat, everything linking me to reality... it just disappears. One-shot songfic. Based on Coldpaly's song 'Fix you'. Rated T for a reason.


**Apologize gift **for my lack of updates on Smooth Criminal... yeah, _again_. -.-'

This is a songfic one-shot I had in one of my folders, written for a DA literature competittion a couple of months ago.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own pokespe, nor do I own the song 'fix you' of Coldplay.

**Rated T for swearing. Blue, Green, and Red are 19; Yellow 17.**

* * *

**Blue.-**

"I'm sorry! Please forgive me. I didn't mean this to hap-"

In less than a second I'm cut off by a cold hand slapping me shut.

It sounds dry, and tastes like anger and helplessness in my mouth.

I lift my left hand to my sore cheek carefully. It is hot and I can feel it throbbing. My glaze is glued to floor because I can't even dare looking at her in the face. Not could I stand either all of the stares, the whispers, the dead empty look in her eyes.

A sharp sting follows it and I can't help wondering what I did to deserve this. But I know exactly what I did. Oh, _I _know very well. And just remembering it makes me wish that she would have just shot me instead.

But she _didn't_, and she _won't_.

_And that's the worst part of it._

Because _yeah_, I'm alive. Alive to live for the rest of my life like the selfish heartless bitch I am.

"Don't say you didn't mean it if you did. Are you going to lie to me too?" she growls in a grim voice. She doesn't stutter. And I would be happy for her if the one she was confronting wasn't me.

Warily and slowly I dare take a peek at her and almost immediately feel like throwing up my heart.

_Because I don't need it, it seems I'm heartless after all._

Tears start rolling down her cheeks and her little nose is completely red, but her eyes, oh _her eyes_… they are shallow and lifeless, a dull amber.

She stares at the floor, hiding her face and with a quiet sniff continues "D-don't ever talk to m-me Blue. I don't want to see you again"

Hastily I take a couple of steps forward.

"Yellow, I'm sorr-"

"Leave." She states.

"Yellow?"

She lifts her head and reveals that she is sobbing uncontrollably. In a desperate and cracked voice she yells "_**PLEASE**_, leave."

_**"When you try your best but you don't succeed"**_

My heart cracks, and I do as she says. At first I walk slowly, but then I see him standing at the door. Green. For a second our gazes lock, but then, somewhat painfully, we both move on. I ran and get out of the hospital as quick as I can; a bitter burning sensation is rising up my throat and I know that tears are about to come.

_Of course he would be here. He is his friend after all._

As I exit the hospital's doors I feel the cold air from outside slapping me yet again across the face. I sigh and a thin cloud of steam appears in front of me. I cross the street running, barely avoiding slipping.

It rained this morning so the asphalt is slippery. I walk past the big red oaks that tower over me and get to the center of the park where a big fountain is. As I reach the fountain I slump in the first bench I see and stop containing the tears. I lean forward and cup my face with both hands.

This was a stupid and selfish; I should have known that since the beginning.

_How could I let this get out of hand?_

I seriously didn't want to but I guess that anger got the worst out of me. I shouldn't have involved Red into this; that just messed it up. But I couldn't, I couldn't just stand there waiting for Green to _actually_ give a damn… neither could I just _move on_.

_So I did it._

_"Red! Come on it will be just one hang out! I feel pretty lonely without Green with me, I have no one to bother!"_

_"Okay, I guess it'll be fun to hang out for once."_

But that wasn't the last time, oh _no_, it kept going on for a while until it got me to where I am not anymore…

_"B-blue would you… w-would YOU LIKE TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND?"_

_**"When you get what you want but not what you need"**_

I kept pushing it forward and forward, unconsciously wanting it to happen, why? Well, because I'm selfish and egocentric as that. And when I got where I wanted I wasn't sure as if to continue or not… but _the idea_, the sole idea of doing it and succeeding getting under his skin.

_How could that be more than just enough?_

_"Hi Green!"_

_"Hi Red, hello Blue" replied Green in his usual monotone voice, though he grinned slightly._

_Red and I were going to buy some ice cream and found him at the stand in the park. We ran towards him hand in hand, though Green didn't seem to notice._

_"Hey, do you want to battle tomorrow?" beamed Red._

_"No, I can't tomorrow. I have to write and hand in a report to Professor Rowan. So I'll have to travel."_

_Red grimaced and I rolled my eyes._

Yeah, as always work first. Stupid job addict, he couldn't even postpone it to hang out with his best friend.

_"I can battle you now though, if you are prepared to lose" Green said smirking smugly._

_"No, sorry, I can't." Red replied taking a glance at me "we are having a date" he added smiling._

_Green's face went blank and just stared at us for a couple of seconds._

_And those were probably my most happy seconds in all the day. I could barely suppress a grin. I was joyous, the happiness I felt could be compared with the happiness of committing a mischief, or even the happiness I felt when I used to date Green._

I used to be happy about being with Green, and then after breaking up the only happiness I could accomplish was by making him jealous. How wrong does that sound?

_"You two are dating?" he said slightly frowning._

_"Yes" I replied with a shy grin and a slight squeeze at Red's hand._

_"Okay, then have fun. We can battle another day." With an almost imperceptible grin he waved goodbye and turned around._

_"Bye!" beamed Red._

_"Bye" I whispered._

I can't believe I turned myself into such a selfish heartless egocentric bitch, _just_ to get back at Green because he didn't seem to grief over our break up.  
Neither can I believe that it took me a whole month to realize it.

_**"When you feel so tired but you can't sleep"**_

I sniff and lay down on the bench. Because I'm freaking tired and worn out but I haven't been able to sleep since yesterday, when I started checking my camera photos and went through all of mine and Green's.

After that I grabbed the chocolate ice cream can from my fridge, sat on my living room's couch, and started thinking about what I was doing. I laughed, cried, and even attempted suicide by trying to choke with ice cream. Yeah, _pathetic_.

_**"Stuck in reverse…"**_

A single tear crosses my cheek as I can't help but reminisce for a second and miss what we used to have.

_**"And the tears come streaming down your face,**__**  
**__**When you lose something you can't replace,**__**  
**__**When you love someone but it goes to waste"**_

So I close my eyes and try to get some sleep.

But then the images of this morning flash in mind and it does so '_oh so slowly' _that it feels like a stab at the heart.

Red yelling at me.  
I yelling back.

He storms out of the house and then…  
and then when he crosses the street… the car.

_The crash._

Blood. All that blood… and him lying at the middle of the street. It's too much, way too much to handle.

So I snap my eyes open, because trying to go to sleep with that on my mind would imply that I _really _want to get a psychological trauma.

But now I can't ignore it; all those images are flooding my brain and I can't stop myself from recalling all of what happened this morning…

_We had been dating for a month._

_It was our month anniversary. And yeah, of course I know that doesn't make sense because an anniversary implies one year but see if I care._

_I couldn't sleep last night so when he arrived at my door at 10 in the morning I wasn't in the best of moods, neither looked nor felt like to go out._

_"Red?"_

_"Hi Blue" he said sheepishly, leaning in the doorframe and staring at the floor. But when he lifted his head up and saw me his eyes widened slightly._

_"What happened to you? Do you feel well?" he asked touching my forehead with his palm._

_'Well thanks Red, that makes me feel better about my look' I thought._

_"It's nothing I'm okay. I just couldn't sleep, that's all" I said waving my hand dismissively._

_"Here, I bought you a rose, since today is our special day" He handed me a bright red rose and gave me a kiss in the cheek._

_"Can I come in?"_

_"Y-yes, sure" I moved aside and followed him to the living room._

_"I have something special prepared for us today, so why don't you change your pajamas and I show it to you?"_

_I hesitated; after staying up all night without sleeping I decided that I couldn't go on with this. It had been a month and if I didn't stopped it there I would never do._

_"No Red, not today, I look terrible." I answered wrinkling my nose slightly._

_"That's not true, you always look beautiful" he replied with a smile. 'I can't do this to him, he is so kind. He doesn't deserve this.' I thought._

_"No Red, I can't go out with you" I said in a more firm voice._

_"Why? Do you feel sick? Because if that's it we can move it to some other day, when you feel better."_

_I averted my gaze to the floor, because seeing him like that and knowing what I was going to do made my heart crack._

_"Red, no. I- I can't go out with you, not today, not ever again"_

_After a couple of seconds of thick awkward silence Red spoke up "Why?" he whispered, and I finally looked back at him._

_"Because we are over." I stated, my voice and face emotionless. His face went blank for a couple of seconds and then frowned confused._

_"I don't love you that way. I guess I never did" I added in a softer tone._

_His frown got even deeper and I could see how anger lit up his fiery red eyes._

_"Then… then why did you date me?" he growled, and I almost flinched._

_I felt __**worthless**__._

_I toyed with the hem of my shirt and ignored his question._

_"Was it to make Green jealous?" he muttered, in slight confusion._

_I stopped what I was doing and looked at him in slight fright. That's when I discovered that maybe Red wasn't that clueless after all. __**Just my luck**__._

_"Was it to get under his skin for breaking up with you?" he added, raising his voice and glaring at me._

_He walked towards me and grabbed me by my shoulders._

_"Answer me Blue" he pleaded, desperate, staring at my eyes._

_After a couple of seconds without answer and surely an uptight silence I softened my glaze and nodded. He loosened his grip and backed away from me._

_"I can't believe you did this, I can't believe you used me" he muttered, staring disbelieving at me._

_"And I can't believe you could be such a slut!"_

_Red had never said something like that in front of me. His words slapped me across the face, just like Yellow's slap did a couple of minutes ago. And it stung just as well._

_"I'm not a slut!" I yelled, as I tried to contain the tears._

_"Then how do you call yourself after what you did?" he yelled back. I flinched, and after a moment of silence he rubbed his temples and walked towards the door._

_"You lost us Blue. You lost Green, and now you have just lost me" he said, opening the door and storming off with a loud shut._

_I went after him and when I opened the door I saw a car coming at high speed… but he didn't, he was too blinded by anger._

_"Red! __**A CAR**__!"_

_When he turned his head to look at his side it was way too late, and the car hit him. I ran and started crying and yelling his name over and over again._

_I crouched beside him and trembled. Blood, there was blood everywhere._

_The smell, every time I remember what happened this morning the fresh smell of blood, alcohol and humid asphalt floods my nostrils and sickens my mouth. I can__** barely**__ resist the urge to throw up._

_I searched for the conductor but saw him running a couple of meters ahead. He was drunk, I could see that by the way he was running, he slipped a couple of times but continued and got lost in the distance._

_I got inside my house, grabbed my blazer and called an ambulance._

_And then waited, and waited, and waited, crouched beside Red in my pink slippers and Jigglypuff pajamas. Sobbing and talking to him, telling him that I was sorry and I didn't mean it, and that it was all my fault._

_When the ambulance arrived they told me to change into something else because outside was freezing and I could get hypothermia or catch a cold. I did as I was told and called his mom, Green, and then Yellow._

_Green was working. Yellow was in some island at the south part of Kanto. She and her uncle went in a 6 month vacation trip to some archipelago, just for fun and to go fishing. She told me that she would be at the hospital as soon as she could. I didn't give her major details; instead I waited for her to come._

_After explaining everything to Red's mom –well, not __**everything**__- I went to the first floor and waited for Yellow to come, and soon she did._

_"Blue! What happened to Red?" she asked with a pleading and worried expression in her face. I could notice that she was containing her tears._

_"H-he was hit by a car aft- after storming out of my house because of a discussion I had with him"_

_Yeah, that was strange, Yellow was the one who stuttered, but I couldn't stand having to tell all of that to her. Telling her it was my fault, that I dated Red and __**just **__to make Green jealous._

_I glued my gaze to the floor ashamed of myself, and unable to see her like that._

_"Why would you two fight?" she asked in disbelief._

_After a long moment of silence I gathered enough courage to answer her "Because I broke up with him."_

_There was a long moment of silence and then I looked at Yellow, who was at the verge of tears._

_"Y-you two… you w-were dating?" she asked in a soft whisper. I looked back at the floor and played with the hem of my black shirt._

_"Yes. For a month"_

_There was another moment of silence, perhaps shorter, and then Yellow spoke again._

_"W-why did you break up with him?"_

_I looked at her back again and stared until a couple of tears escaped my eyes._

_"B-because I didn't love him that way." I said and Yellow's eyes got wide, her mouth agape "I just… I just dated him to make Green __**jealous**__."_

_"But then I realized what I was doing and I- I told him the truth this morning but he…" I paused and then continued ranting "he stormed out of my house angry and didn't see the drunk that was driving the car at the other side of the street and…"_

_I had my gaze locked with the little astonished blonde in front of me. Her nose was red and her eyes looked watery. A single tear rolled down her cheek._

_I felt my heart __**sink.**_

_"Yellow…"_

_"I'm sorry! Please forgive me. I didn't mean this to hap-"_

She slapped me.

And I don't blame her for it. It served me right. I dated Red knowing that Yellow liked him, used him and then trashed him, his life might be in danger because of me.

I sniff, wipe the tears from my face and grab my black purse, get to my feet and walk back home wishing I get ran over by a truck. Maybe that would hurt ten times less than how it hurts to know what I've caused.

_**"Could it be worse?"**_

A chill runs through my body as a slight breeze blows by. I'm just wearing a thin blazer and I can't longer feel my toes, my fingers or my nose.

_**"Lights will guide you home**__**  
**__**And ignite your bones"**_

It is barely 5:30 p.m and it is already getting dark, so the lightning posts are already on to prevent someone from slipping or something, lightning the streets with their dull yellow light.

As I am a block away from my house I stop dead in my tracks. For a couple of seconds I stare and frown, refraining the coming tears. I cover my mouth with one of my hands.

I can see the blood stains and glass shards from here.

I resume walking and quicken my pace, because if I stare longer I may become _delusional_.  
Once inside the house I shut the door with all my force and let myself slide until I hit the floor, and I sob, sob like there is no tomorrow and like doing it will erase everything that I've done.

_"Because maybe it can't erase what I've done, but it surely washes the pain away…momentarily."_

So I sit there, pitying me and wishing for everything to just be a sick nightmare that's about to end…

Until I hear a knock on the door.

_**"And I…"**_

I don't feel like opening it so I just ignore it and wonder who it is. Maybe it is Yellow, and my wish will be granted and she comes to shot me and end with all of this.

But no, she is too sweet for that… enraged, or not enraged. And besides, allowing me to live would be a much more horrible torture.

The knocking is constant so I tip toe and watch through the peephole of my door. It is Green. I wonder if he has come to tell me how much of a bitch I am, though I open it anyways, because I've got nothing to lose anymore.

"Hello Blue" he says emotionless, leaning against the doorframe.

I stare at him with a blank face, expecting him to just leave, but I know things aren't easy like that.

"Aren't you going to let me in?" he asks in a cool demeanor.

I stare at him some more before asking him "What do you want?" in a pathetic attempt to sound threatening.

"Nothing, I just wanted to check if you were okay" he replies.

There was a long moment of awkward, thick silence of me just staring unbelievingly at him. I frowned and finally broke the silence.

"No you didn't! Why on earth would you do that after all I have done? Red is in the hospital and it is my entire fault! For being such a heartless, shallow, _bitch_!"

I start sobbing and hiccupping loudly, hiding my face behind my hands, but Green just stares at me with his dull cold green eyes, I can feel it. I can't help but wonder if he is enjoying this … _of course he is. _And I don't blame him for it, I must be crumbling to pieces before his eyes right now.

"Why did you come?" I ask in a soft tone, from behind my hands.

I wipe my tears away and try calming down, though I'm still hiccupping badly. "Was it to see me like this? To tell me to my face how much of a bad person I am? Perhaps to ask me what happened?"

I sink in his features, staring deeply at his emotionless face. He has his hands in his pockets and a slight, rather usual, frown is furrowed on his forehead.

_We are just a mere apart..._

He stares at the floor for a moment, lost in his own thoughts.

_then how is it that I feel him so distant?_

Suddenly, he sighs, and then looks back at me.

"No" he states simply, and that's just enough for my heart to skip a beat.

"I already know what happened."

With that said all charm is gone and I feel like falling to my knees again.

"You heard me talking with Yellow right?" I whisper, because I can't even find my voice and I don't think I will soon.

"Yes."

I look at my hands, fiddling with my fingers and ask him "How much of it did you hear?"

For a moment he seems to get lost... lost in some other world, far from the haze and pain that cloud my toughts.

"Long enough." he answers, and I feel my heart dropping to my stomach.

My eyes water up once again and I realize this is the most I have cried in my whole life. "Green I- I'm sorry, I- I can't believe I could be so selfish and egocentric! I'm _truly _sorry. I just wish nothing of this happened…"

"But it happened Blue, this was the consequence of your selfish act. You have to deal with it."

"I KNOW OKAY? I know! But I was so sad… I- I couldn't get over you and while I was crumbling to pieces from the inside y- you didn't seem sad at all! Didn't you care? Didn't you feel sad when we broke up?" I yell, raising my voice and ripping my throat apart in the process.

"Of course I did Blue! I loved you but… but I had work and life keeps going on."

_Work_, _work, work..._ it is always about _**stupid **__**work**__._

"Sure I was sad but I couldn't just grief over you all the time!" he yells back, sighs, and closes his eyes running a hand through his hair "Do I have to remember you that _you _were the one who broke up with me?"

I sniff and wipe my tears away "It was because of your stupid work. Work, work, _always work! _You never really had time to be with me…"

I cross my arms and stare at my feet, waiting for his comeback.

"_Of course _I had work! You knew since the beginning that our relationship would not be easy. I thought you could really handle it and that we would work it out but… you couldn't stand it and broke up with me, so that I could 'value' our relationship, return with you, and live happily ever after, didn't you?" he answered in a cool but slightly exasperated voice.

What could I say to him? He was _right_, he saw right through me. It made me feel helpless, worthless, and vulnerable... I just _can't _stop crying.

I grimaced and looked at him below my long eyelashes "I'm sorry."

"Maybe I just should dig a hole and die in it, it's not like anybody would miss me" I say turning around and walking inside, but a hesitant hand grabs my wrist softly and I stop. My breath gets caught in my throat... time freezes, and everything around me... the tick tock of the clock on the wall, my pounding heartbeat, everything linking me to reality...

_it just disappears._

"I would."

Shock punches me hard in the stomach and I a warm feeling embraces my chest. I turn around in slight disbelief.

"Listen, everyone makes mistakes Blue. Some are worse than others, but that doesn't mean you have to give up hope just because you committed a big mistake. You have to deal with it, overcome it, and learn from it." He paused and grabbed my hands, softly caressing the back of them.

"And even though what you did was very serious, Red and Yellow would have to forgive you sooner or later, but it will take _time_. Don't expect them to forgive you after just a week, specially Red. It will be tough, and surely things won't be the same anymore. That's the price you'll have to pay… but at the end you'll get through it, just like you have done every time."

I stared at him, longing one of his kisses, a gentle caress, or one of his hugs.

"What about you Green, will you forgive me?" I ask hesitant, staring at his dull sad green eyes. After a long tense moment of thinking he breaks up the silence.

"No."

It hits me like a punch to the face, cold and dry.

A mix of emotions overwhelm me, I feel disconnected... my body feels weak and light, but at the same moment my heart weighs like a brick. My knees tremble, and my bottom lip quivers.

I stare at his green eyes a little longer, with all the courage I have left, searching desperately for something... that something that tells me what I desperately need to cling on...

_hope_.

After a couple of seconds of painful silence I almost give up when, suddenly, the tiniest grin crosses his lips and he adds "I already did."

That's enough to make my heart go ballistic... his grin, his words, _everything_ in that moment lights up my world like I never could have imagined.

In a swift move all of the hesitating is gone and I throw my arms around his neck and hide my face in his chest, hugging him tightly. I start crying, not tears of sadness or helplessness like earlier, but tears of infinite joy and comfort.

Right now all I need to get through this storm is him with me.

"I can't go through this by myself, please don't leave me alone." I plead into his shirt, and he hugs me back, caressing my back with his hands.

_At that moment, of oblivious happiness and comfort, I wished time could freeze and stay like that forever..._

_**"I will try to fix you."**_

* * *

...

God, _how could I write this?_

Anyways, this is my songfic one-shot to apologize for the lack of updates of SC... _again._

Sorry, but I don't think I will update regularly anymore, not until holidays, because... I can _barely_ keep up with High School and the up-coming anual cheerleading competition of my school.

**It's. just. too. much.**

SORRY D:!


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